I'm gonna say this and I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I think it needs to be said since I see a lot of women on here who marry men with children, but never feel the need to act like mothers. they do believe they are wives, but not mothers to the step children. they are mothers to their own though.

I'll break it down: you are an adult, you were supposed to be her mom and make that family whole. it was your job to resolve the kid's problems and have a relationship with your step child. it wasn't the child's job to make you and your daughter feel good and your bio daughter basically imitates you, it wasn't her job to mediate either.

I personally think you weren't prepared to be a step mom, you didn't understand what it meant and your family is in a constant state of conflict.

I think you're projecting when you say your step daughter focuses on her feelings too much. I don't think you understand her or care to. Also, wanting to throw her out of her dad's house for a dress? even if mad, it just shows that you don't care for her. you don't love her. you married her dad and tried to make a family with him and your daughter, but not her. she was never part of your family, was she? she was tolerated because you had to, right? you're not an asshole, but you've handled everything wrong from the beginning and now it's a shit show.

let your husband go to his daughter's wedding. she's just a kid you had to suffer.