I am taking lot of time to explain to you because you seem stubborn in the black or white judgement.

When I first got a job during placements, I didn't tell anyone for a month, because I was scared that my friends may resent me. This may seem like a "so what" effect to you. For me.. every plan I have for future, every success I have, every decision I make, I hide inorder to not offend anyone. I used to buying bland clothes cuz she used to throw away or tear my good looking ones. The first good quality branded dress I brought was after my manager called me aside and told me I need to dress better. I can tell 1000 examples like this. The one and only time I attempted suicide (during the college decision), everyone were more concerned about what others might think if they find out. They wanted to know about whether I told anyone about this before they asked me if I was fine. I ate sleeping pills and they didn't take me to a doctor but instead induced vomiting at home because they didn't want others knowing. Had that home remedy not worked, no one would be facing any problems today perhaps.

I already accepted a 1000 times. I was the asshole in this scenario. I just don't feel like this was my decision. I feel like I pushed to this breaking point. And I am unable to bring myself to feel shame or guilt.