My only friend just cut ties with me, unfriended me on everything and got rid of personal belongings I've given him, it hurts so fucking much I feel like my entire body is tearing open. Everything reminds me of him, I've spent the last 3 days almost constantly either crying or tearing up. Seems I've got an infinite supply of tears. Knowing the person you care most about wants to forget about your existence is fucking heartbreaking. We've been friends for almost 3 years and he's had so much influence on the things I like, hobbies, personality that it feels like a part's just been fucking ripped out of me. Talking to him would be the only thing I'd look forward to all day and for a long time he was the only good thing in my life. I just can't fucking let go. I don't know anymore. I haven't slept in 2 days and my body feels paralysed, limbs are falling asleep constantly, i'm not really sure what this is, probably some bad form of depersonalisation. I can't let go. Things kind of turned a little sour the last few months, we started getting irritated at each other more easily and the conversations generally bland and repetitive. Mostly my fault, haven't really been feeling like myself, don't have much interest in anything anymore so I'm getting pretty boring to talk to. I think he's going to ctb soon and it pains me knowing I can't be there until the end and support him. I didn't even get any closure. I know it must have been hard for him too and he's probably just trying to decrease my hurting once he ctbs but i think this is only making things worse. I would be more at peace knowing he's in a plane of non existence than suffering every day. I don't think he knows this but i would have supported him if he chose to ctb or not. I just want to be there for him untill the end and it pains me so fucking much that I can't.