I went there too. I ran away and had to wear a skirt and flats for two months in winter. They took away a pass of mine - my dad had cancer at that time. They took away my xmas pass and that was the last xmas he was alive. (He was a verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive asshole, but nevertheless my father.)

It took me three years after leaving there to put the pieces of my childhood together. My mother molested me. (I guess you'd call it that. She would play weird "touching games" with me.) I was 16 when I went into the program.

Now being 21, I realize what I really needed was professional help and people that I could trust to talk to. I pushed all of my crap down for the longest time. I'm a severe alcoholic now. I know that isn't "the way" to deal with your issues. Yet, there is no magical way, is there? The truth is no amount of money, no amount of therapy hours, there is no perfect sentence of hopeful, inspiring words articulatley arranged in such a way that could ever make me feel better. There is nothing that could ever take away how emotionally tormented I feel. If I could rip out my feelings out of my chest and throw them on a canvas for the world to see, I would. Not just for me, for anyone that has ever been abused so that the world could maybe, just maybe understand because while nothing can take our pain away, a persons understand soothes it.

Ahem, and now a quote from my baby daddy, Bukowski -

there is a lonliness in this world so great

that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock.

people so tired mutilated either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us that we can all be big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us about the gutters or the suicides.

or the terror of one person aching in one place alone

untouched unspoken to

watering a plant.