I went through a very similar thing. I have always been exceptionally tall and towered over my peers- by at least a foot. I was very overweight and puberty came to me at a very early age, I was forced to grow up rapidly because I needed to act how I looked and I was an outcast because of it. Since then, I’ve lost weight and used to dabble in modeling, but I never believed when others told me I’m beautiful. To this day, when people flirt with me I distrust their motives. I still carry that intense insecurity I felt from being an social outcast in my fundamental years (not many people would want to be my friend because I was so big, when people would finally talk to me they would express that they were scared of me until we became friends. I even earned the nickname “M-Monster”). I’m actively working on giving some love to my inner child because she deserves it, adult me is nurturing little me. And as I begin to understand and feel around my femininity and confidence, I’m working on gushing that shame I had for my body. I’ve been wearing heels lately for the first time in my life.

Thanks for this post and allowing me to get this off my chest! I feel you OP.