I think you need to get some help with your drinking. It's excellent that you recognize that it is a problem, so the next natural step is to ask for and get help.

I don't know. I feel like we have so little here; drinking is just life for my people. We're peasants, to be melodramatic. A big thing is that I can, and have quit. I can quit, which is what all addicts say, but what's killing me is I let the distance between us let me be a drunken dickhead instead of being who she knows and knew.

Once you work on yourself for awhile, if her reasoning is still nagging at you, I encourage you to speak to her. For nothing else but to get closure.

I think you're right.

You can and will get through this.

May God bless You.