I am really drunk right now, but also very stoned.

Now mate, let me tell you about England, seen as though you WANT THIS LIFE. England is a little shit hole, everything is small. People throw litter on the ground like 'whos arsed m8'. If you lived here, you'd be living closer to people, in a more compact space. The houses are smaller, there's more people in any given radius.

Driving here? Well mate, if you come over here with your 'I'm a shy American', they'd expect you to be loud and think 'why am I talking about the same amount as an American without making sarky looks to other English people', which would have them thinking 'not a typical American', straight away.

Next, you're putting up with the banter now about how you can't drive. Nobody drives an automatic here, if you do, people will think 'he's too stupid to drive'. The roads are SMALL MATE. If you pull infront of me around a typical Northern English (not middle class area) street of council houses, when it's obvious you should have waited, I'd probably say 'why didn't you wait', looking at you with an angry face, then drive off thinking 'dick head'.

Your sky over your head is grey. This time of year, get ready for constant drizzle. Do you really wonder why there's now more native English speakers outside England? People left this land to colonise other places because it's shit.

Rent here is high, the sales banter amounts to being concise, to make any real money in a serious industry. Houses for £140k, or about $200 will get you a working class council house, you need to earn and pay more on a bigger mortgage for a better house... before you get into leafly suburbs down South, which probably bring with them their own sets of 'English problems'.

America is a happy place because it's America. So, tell me do you still wanna switch lives?