My parents were married to other people when they met in their 20s. My mom to some cousin of Frankie Valli who had a gambling and infidelity problem, and my dad to a local podunk with low class and even lower scruples, who was also a heroin addict. They were co-workers as well. Over the course of 5-6 years, they watched as she pulled a gun on him and told him to get out, and he lay witness to his son's drowning because of her neglect. My mom and dad bonded over heartbreak and war stories. It wasn't falling in love, per se. My mom did want to have children with him, but I arrived a bit earlier than she wanted I think. They were married at town hall 7 months before I was born, no photos exist, etc.
They were postal workers. Worked opposite shifts. Work was their identity. They were co-parents, co-workers at home, but not lovers. Mom saw herself as a 'mother' and 'postal worker.' That was her identity. Not as a wife. For years my dad tried to get through, but she stonewalled. Dead bedroom. Suspected cheating on both sides. Dad tired of her secret credit lines. Mom tired of his Vietnam PTSD broken record. No affection. No intimacy. No family trips. I have no memory of my parents kissing or holding hands. I eat dinner in a restaurant with my parents one time, after my first college graduation.
By the time I was in high school, Mom slept on a couch downstairs. She would for the rest of her life. Ships in the night. The whole household was in their rooms with our doors closed. When I was early 20s, Dad took up with a client on his mail route. They're married to this day. My parents separated and divorced quickly after my brother and I were both out of the house. Mom got cancer 6 months later and died 3 years after that, 3 years she was under my care.
As a teen, in a way I didn't understand until many years later, I withdrew into depression to hide my anger, as my folks were two mother hens and I was scared of their emotions. Starting there, I kept myself out of the game. Didn't date in high school or college. No dances, parties or proms. Two long distance Internet connections on Yahoo Chat and AIM (that's how long ago). But no women in my life at all other than that. My conditioning early, was for distance, coldness and abandoned dreams. Today, I have my health. I have a decent job and live in a nice apartment. But the idea even that another person would even give a shit how my day was, let alone having a partner, is a completely foreign idea. And the seeds of this were planted in a post office in 1974.