Thank you for your detailed reply! It's actually thrown up a couple things I'm gona look up to see whether they can make any difference to our sex lives. In answer to your questions:
morning wood really isn't an issue for him. Everyday without fail, and it takes little more than me rubbing his inner thigh to get him hard.
orientation wise I'm 99% sure that he's straight. Guys don't do a lot for him at all. And he loves going down on me, so I have no complaints there either!
the incident he had I think he said was around 15 y/o. He was basically about to fuck a girl, missed his entry point (who doesn't when ur kids??) and this girl wiled out on him. Like went completely mental at his 'incompetence' over the whole thing. I really don't understand this, I could never do it to a bloke. It's just not fair.
power/money wise. We bought the house together, equal ownership on the deeds. He actually earns more than I do though we both earn reasonable money. Him approx 40k a year, me 25-28k (I'm English so this is £). Power wise everything is equal. Though I do have some major hang ups from being with my ex, he was manipulative and I never had a choice in anything, so I do find it difficult to make decisions. This is again something I've been working on at counselling (I've been going about 6 months now).
I do appreciate it has to be driven by him and as such all of what I gather from this thread and associated research will be presented to him solely upon the basis that it's entirely his decision. Ive never pushed him with any of this and I try 100% to make things easier in this dept. e.g right now I'm planning on waking him up for his night shift with oral, I'll be naked but I won't push anything, if he wants to lay back and enjoy the ride then that's fine too, cos I derive a great amount of pleasure from getting him off. Funny enough I think this is half my problem, if I don't get him off I feel like a failure or it's something that I've done, even though logically I know it isn't.
I am happy to go to some kind of therapy with him if needs be. I'm not sure how keen he would be to be honest, however he has seen that I've made some big strides with the therapy I'm having myself, and perhaps being able to see a change in me over something unrelated may give him the confidence he needs to try it. I've also figured that if this is something we try, this is on his terms too. We will pick a therapist together, though final agreement is and always will be with him. Same on the GP issue too as I'm not sure he has a registered doctor here. (We moved to a different county, I got mine sorted quick as I'm on BC, don't think he's seen a doc in about 10 years haha)
Again, thank you. This has given me some more options to explore in this area, and I'm really willing to try just about anything now.