Perfect life: Married in 2012, built our own house in 2014. We're both employed with sizable incomes. And we like each other. We both know a lot of cautionary marital examples and often look at each other and go, thank god you care about your mental health and intimacy and communication and respect.

Private struggle: Last year, it was infertility. It is very, very possible to be in absolute hell while going through infertility and have absolutely no one know about it. There are no outward signs...other than occasional bloating from treatments, and random outbursts of anger and sadness from the world's endless triggers. The world is full of pregnant people and other people's babies and the most innocuous stuff is like being kicked in the face. A Facebook post about "Look at how big little Davey has gotten!" just reminds you that you have been trying to have a kid for as long as little Davey has even existed, and now he is sooooo big and you are still sooooo barren.

pause for someone to chime in with "Just Adopt", followed by obligatory explanation of how Just Adopting is not a quick and easy fix either, and that saying "Just Adopt" makes infertile people feel even more alone

Currently: Am pregnant after infertility treatments. Now everyone wants to chit-chat about pregnancy this and baby that but it feels like that is discounting the absolute hell it was to get here (which, of course, most people had no way of knowing about). I still can't get it up to be happy about pregnancy or exchange mindless chitchat about cravings and symptoms. I have struggled all my life to allow myself to have unadulterated positive feelings and look forward to positive outcomes (as my parents' worldview was the opposite of this), and infertility was a thoroughly unnecessary setback in the struggle to get past that. My shrink bills are numerous. (I've had more than one person say to me that they are surprised I need therapy because I seem so well-adjusted. How do they think I managed that in the first place?!)