I raved from age 18-26. Basically I grew up bullied in a small town for being gay. So I had built a lot of social anxiety and lonerisms. I'd spend my weekends watching the Electronica charts on Much Music. Early 2000's Toronto was the capital of the dance music world. Huge raves every weekend that were spread by word of mouth. None of this facebook invites or e-flyers. I started listening to the music and it made me happy. So that went on for a few years.
Eventually I had friends come up to me and say 'OMG! We just went to a rave on Saturday and it was awesome! You have to come to the next one!' These were non-electronica fans (at the time) and they went to a Hullabaloo in December 2003. I trusted them and we prepared for the next time that I'd go with them. So, I went with them.
Up until this point I had only smoked pot and ate shrooms and drank a little bit. So when I dropped my first pill on the dance floor FULL of Candy Kids, it was magical. I met a lot of really great people that night that are still my friends 11 years later. But I took a different turn.
Being bullied and introverted and a loner, the drugs and partying gave me an ability I didn't have before. I could talk, meet people, etc. It was a blast and eventually my crew and I were the older 'cool kids'.
But I over did it in the drugs. Started taking them on random weeknights I was bored. Would take WAY too many and be up for 2-3 days, no food, no sleep, no self care.
Eventually my brain couldn't handle it all. I became depressed, angry (a very angry black out drunk fuelled by Extacy). I lost a lot of the people who looked up to me, lost interest in my hobbies, lost my personality, and lost myself.
I ended up moving out of the province for a year and still went to DNB and House music nights. When I went back to Toronto everything had changed. PEople younger than me were the better DJs. They partied in a crew and I felt like an outcast. I did mdma at a Valentines rave in 2010 and then a friend gave me some K. I couldn't function. I lost my vision, only seeing swirling colours and muffled sounds. So I went outside to get fresh air and then after staying there for an hour a girl got the on-site medic. They put me in the cool off room and I called my friends to pick me up and ran to their car and went home.
I've gone to festivals since. I go to the occasional DJ club show, gay bar, etc. I'm actually going to see Green Velvet next month and saw Moby last year. But it is not the same. I tried M at Pride a few years back and it was too powerful.
So I stick to a few drinks and maybe a joint. It's better for me as I am able to enjoy the music I truly love and my confidence as a person allows me to dance unabided - sober, drunk, it doesn't matter - I love to dance!