I both agree and disagree with you.

“Not arguing isn’t the right way to have a relationship” this i do not agree with. Are you saying you need to argue in a relationship? To what extent? Yelling? Throwing stuff? How far does that go? The kids scared in their rooms listening? Why not sit at the kitchen table over coffee and discuss what’s pissing you off?

I do agree with your example of upbringing and mental health and circumstance. My father for instance was always beat and screamed at as punishment. He grew up and took those lessons to his relationships with my mom. Eventually went to prison for 10yrs with his next gf for the same crap. Dude couldn’t handle a disagreement without screaming. Couldn’t just sit down and talk.

I don’t think it should be belittling to you, I feel it’s something to work towards. No one likes to be angry and no one like to argue, for most people at least lol. It’s just so much easier to have a simple conversation over dinner or coffee about what is pissing you off, instead of being mad and avoiding each other for a few days. It’s just something you have to try to do when the time comes.