I have no friends. Everyone I used to hang out with we gradually became more and more distant with each other after high-school.

My first year of college 4 years ago, I was very eager to make new friends and expand my social circle/network. I was tired of being the quiet weird loner kid in the back of the classroom who sits alone at lunch. I was very awkward (still am), a bit socially anxious (still am), and had low self esteem (still do). I would go sit with random people that looked fun to talk to in the cafes and cafeterias, attempting to develop a meaningful human connection. Most people just wanted me to disappear. I went to a lot of college events, even though I secretly disliked them a lot. I was known as "that outgoing but awkward dude." I got annoyed because no matter what I did I couldn't shake off the awkward bit and just be the outgoing dude. I should of kept going, at least I was being noticed and talked about. I got terrible grades, stopped going to class, got a bit depressed (still am), and was academically dismissed with a GPA of 1.3. I'm back at college and struggling wake up every morning and gather enough energy to do my homework much less get social.

I like your take on it. I can relate. Why try to change myself? Why try to pretend to be the social butterfly I am not? Why should I feel bad for being quiet? Why should I feel bad for being reserved? Why should I try to make friends? Why should I try in any social situation? Fuck them, I should decisively not try. I should un-apologetically be myself. Fuck their opinions. Fuck them. And this is what I did after being academically dismissed 2 years ago, I stopped trying to be social. And just like you I've found it only made me more lonely and indifferent. Its real fucking stupid, I can either try to be social and pretend to be someone I'm not (with a fake it till you make it mindset) and be consistently pushed away by people who just want to be left alone. Or I can not give a fuck and sit quietly in the corner again and observe everything happening around of me that I am not and cannot be a part of. It feels bad man.