Yes of course I understand what you're saying, I'm a tran. its literally my life. i get it. in the end i am not a real woman but its not really true that im a man either.
people say this over and over all the time, like i dont know what its like to be a girl. Yeah, i cannot menstruate or get preg. I'm sad i can't have kids normally, but yes, i can't. i still know what its like to be afraid when in unfamiliar places or alone in public, be afraid on public transit, I know what its like to be talked down to by guys, get talked over, not be taken serious at work, be sexually harassed (and worse), feeling like i have to keep up with my appearance to be taken seriously, deal with cattiness and competitiveness from other women, not be taken seriious at services like car repair and on and on. i know what its like in childhood having to be put with girls and excluded a bit from normal things for not being like "other guys". childhoods is weird there were gendered expectations growing up, but with the added bonus of those expectations being different depending on who took my transition seriously early on. I'm not boyish enough for some people and not feminine enough for others, i didn't date the "right people", and if i did i let other people down.
a lot of these things are not even going to be like other women's experience anyways, because they are modified slightly by me being me and a transsexual. theres an extra layer of complication to all of it that sets me apart. it's extra isolating, because i have to answer all these situations on my own. that means a lot of extra trial and error because there is not really an upbringing or normal social input for us. but i still need to be female to survive, because im just sick.
in the end, in looking for that support navigating these little hardships, they are more like womens issues than mens, even though they arent realy either. in the real world, theres not going to be transsexuals to readily be friends with in every social circle and if they are they likely dont want to admit it. so naturally, i want to identify with women and get advice and help from other women, especially because they will know better how to survive in the world as a trans woman than men will, so if i say "hey i kind of get that" if a woman is talking about that guy at work who talked down to her, i feel thats not dishonest.
i feel like when this argument comes up its more about just wanting to make sure were in our place and that we know we're different. like yeah. we get it. we're painfully aware we're different. but, we're not /that/ different...at least some of us arent. maybe its just different for everyone. i only really can talk for myself, though.