My problem with the church... 100% is the uncorrelated doctrines. Why would I accept it as a “social club” for me when it’s forces a binary world view. Mormon/gentile. That means I have to comply with everything a “Mormon” including not using the term Mormon. I can’t be me. I can’t disagree with leadership. I can’t say no I don’t like the temple because everything about the temple reflects polygamy. That’s why I’m out. If I wanted a social club I could use my 10% of my income to join... equestrian clubs, golf clubs, swimming clubs , Pokémon go events, etc. why do I need to invest into a real estate corp that hosts a biblical fan fiction book club? There are a lot better social clubs for families out there...
I’m very lucky that 22 years ago my naive mind was smart enough to disregard the mormon indoctrination and marry an inactive Mormon and we left the church soon after our temple marriage. My parents pressured us and they were able to check off of the church approved parenting checklist.... they got missions for kids, temple wedding etc. good for them.
My first act as an adult was to vote “by common consent” by not going to church anymore. This church was my tribe for 22 years and another 15 years to slowly reprograming my world view. People wonder why I’m still on exmormon reading about the church. Why can’t I let it go. Why do I talk about the topic with people...35 years of my life is a long time to think about my salvation and being told by my own mother that “I’m thinking to much”. Yes I may be thinking to much cause the dogma of this church is the worst. It’s embarrassing that I went on a mission and actually believed it for as long as I did.
The church pushes lots of life decisions on people using an algorithm that supports the church first then the community second and the individuals last. This is a broken system and has a high probability to hurt individuals and families. Is it the individuals fault for marrying to young or having a family when they are not ready or didn’t want one...sure. But the shame is to be shared with the institution who pushed those beliefs to start with. Way would I continue to go to church as a social club when the church created the mess to begin with. At some point the cycle has to stop and to “protect” the individual and to protect the children.
My heart goes out to you because it sounds like you are going through tough times now. The church’s vision for marriage often produces high expectations of perfection and we all know as human we are far from perfect. I pray for you to have strength to get through this life event. Your husband betrayed you. He needs to own that and not scapegoat the church. He chose his actions there is no excuse.