Extreme discomfort being called "queer"

A lot of people assume that the term queer isn't upsetting to members of the LGBT+ community. Because they've individually reclaimed it, they think it's fine for everybody. Sorry to say but, the necessary (if uncomfortable) steps to take are:

  • Tell people you're personally uncomfortable with that word.
  • If they respect that experience, and stop calling you a slur, then keep them in your life.
  • If they keep calling you a slur, either raise it as an issue (in a workplace setting) or quit hanging with them as friends.

I've got a cis bisexual friend (a woman) who called me a faggot, recently. She felt entitled to do so because I am gay, and she's seen gay men reclaiming the word for themselves, so (in her mind) it's just a funny thing to do. She assumed I must be okay with being called that slur. I told her that I'm not comfortable with it. End of story. If she respects that, we're cool, and she can deal with her own entitlement issues. If she doesn't respect that, she can fuck off. Simple.

Cishet people aren't the only ones who will call you slurs without even checking that you've personally reclaimed them. No matter who a person is, they don't get to decide what you're comfortable with. Since the q-word is being so widely used, it makes sense that you're encountering this more and more. We're in the midst of a cultural shift– after all, when I was growing up, "gay" was a slur. But your experience still matters.

/r/FTMMen Thread