I know your feelings. I am in a similar situation, but my relationship ended last year. I thought I lost my “soulmate”. No person know me better than her. And she doesn’t wanted me anymore. She was everything for me. But we had a very toxic relationship, too. For me it was the only option to cut her completely out of my life, because she was every damn second in my mind. Try to see new people and spend time with them! Try out new things. It’s a common tip you read on many forums, etc., so I didn’t believe it in the first place... For me it was reading books and build with Lego again. It seems naiv, but it helped me to feel joy over things again. Try to come a little bit closer to yourself. I know it’s seems very very hard with the disorder, but I think it’s the longtime goal we should have. Almost 16 months after the breakup I feel free again. It was incredible hard in the first 6 months after the breakup, but it will be better. Luckily I am in therapy - this helped a lot. Now I know a lot of new, cool people and I have better social skills. We have to go on a long, hard way with the BPD disorder. Try to make a little step a day. Step for step, day for day. And it isn’t bad if you fall sometimes.

So... hang in there, dude! At the end you will get a lot stronger because of this mess. It’s hard to believe, I know...