Doh! I saw that you said you weren’t. Bare with me here. I’m typing from a hospital bed. I’ve no idea what ODD is. I’ve felt that terrible sense of emptiness for most of my life. As if I had no soul or spirit which I know are religious concepts but they articulate / embody the feeling. I’m in my 40’s and I’m a woman so I’ve a different perspective. I’ve 2 older brothers though. I think there’s a lot of pressure out on young men. I’m also really aware of how vulnerable young men are, I think the early 20’s are really tender ages for guys. All I can recommend is to do therapy. However I do want to say that I’ve heard bullshit crap of ‘needing to fill the emptiness with love and light’ and it annoys the crap out of me. Feeling empty is a symptom of BPD. Mind yourself and keep working with the professionals. It’s great your bf knows and you can trust him. And you’ve got here too.