Just chiming in to say that I've been right where you are so many times. Almost 4 years ago I experienced some things that caused me to loose the rigid control I fought every day to have over my body (in regards to weight and disordered eating). I felt so gross and fat.
I started weightlifting and stopped counting calories. I fell in love with seeing what my body could do and began to allow that to be the root of my self esteem instead of how I looked. But, I couldn't go to the mall without basically breaking down... something about the mirrors everywhere and the larger than life skinny models...
It got better. I kept lifting. I kept eating. I stopped judging my self worth on how I looked (because it was getting me nowhere) and began challenging myself to improve upon character qualities that could help me with my job and with my relationships with people. If I saw an ugly glimpse of myself in a mirror or photo, I learned to put it out of my mind immediately. I realized that everyone looks odd at certain angles... have you ever paused Netflix in the middle of a show and frozen your favorite actress or actor in a SUPER unflattering pose?
Slowly my brain adapted to this new normal of how I looked and felt and moved through space. My boyfriend once, about 6 months into weightlifting, commented on how surprising it was that my proprioception was so terrible given all the time I had spent in dance and doing yoga (I had a really hard time with form on some things). It struck me then that the reason for that was because my body wasn't used to moving with the 30 pounds I had gained on my once gaunt frame.
I started to complain that my quads weren't BIG ENOUGH, and asking, "does my butt look too small? I feel like I haven't been eating enough lately."
It's been almost 2 years for me since I started hitting the gym and figuring this stuff out. It gets easier. Don't be so hard on yourself. That crappy picture is just your beautiful self being paused at an unfortunate moment. Maybe you feel like that picture is the real you and shame on you for being confident and proud of yourself... but it's not. The real you is everything you've been working towards, and the real you was the confidence you felt that night dressed up and having fun.
Sorry this post got so long.