I had a particularly hard time because I was a baptist and never got baptised when everyone else did. Yet, I was also part of the worship team band.
The problem with someone asserting that I never was a Christian is that they would have to be someone who did not know me growing up.
Not only was I a model Christian the entire time (including happily going to the wedding of my first love with whom we both mutually agreed that God was telling us that she was to marry this guy she was now marrying), I also was at the church more than most people becasue it was the only place I enjoyed the social atmosphere. I had at least 4 days of church stuff each week at minimum (worship team practice, youth group, home group and Sunday church day and night services).
On top of that I was in YWAM and did 5 missions (Aus, Fiji, Solomon Islands, USA, Canada) and my dream was to do a DTS on the YWAM ship.
Also, everyone who knew me saw my descent into wild drug use, violence, theft and crime in general. A few good friends knew why I did it (I was convinced it was the only way to reach people who needed help) and my goal was to understand the plight of the unbeliever.
After many years of illegal fun (complete with records and arrests) I managed to help a few people who never would have gone near a church in a million years (I mean 6 thousand years).
What I did not realise was that I had seen the seams at the edge of the reality that Christianity blankets you with. You are covered in a thick layer of disinformation that includes inception of the idea that it is everyone else who is blind and you have the true sight.
I saw that many Christians did not, in fact, have any real integrity in their beliefs. Sure, they would help people in need when it suited them, but they all had groups of people they deemed 'unsaveable'. I needed to know why.
So I sacrificed my dreams and choose to be a piece of scum in society with ridiculous willpower and self training. I always drank, smoked and took more drugs than anyone else - no matter how much it hurt. I had to learn how to fight someone and learn to hate (it was really unfamiliar to me), I made sure when I stole something it also showed an intent to harm the people I stole off. I was an evil fuck, just as I planned. I am just glad I sorted myself out before I killed someone.
And then one day, decades later, only junkies for friends, scumbags for partners, and random hallucinogenic conversations for wisdom - I saw the truth. I met a guy trying to save me.
Nothing I did convinced him I was honest or righteous. Why could God not simply help him understand? Through his attempt to help I began to hate him for his assumptions about me, I could not help but see how blind he was to my situation even with Gods help.
And one day, at work, I saw him manipulate someone into belief, this person who had a normal life started acting insane. They were causing so much trouble now at work and their life was falling apart. I could not tell myself that I would have done anything different when I was like the Christian guy, because that is exactly what I was trying to do.
My brain exploded, I took a few weeks of work and sat alone in the dark and realise how much of my life was incredibly wasted. And then I just got mad.
That anger is now what anyone who questions my resolve and my original Christian convictions gets to witness and I don't care how they react because I am done with that Religion and all of it's lies.