This is sad to me. I've often lost girlfriends because I could not stop. Because I wanted the porn more. Often I would leave the relationship because I wouldn't want them to be hurt. I'm with a girl now and I have a hard time having sex. I also don't want her to hurt and I want to stay with her as well. I'm really afraid to continue and I also fear that suicide in my future is a great possibility because of this. There have been times that I could abstain for months at a time. I've often thought I'm cured. No amount of creativity and distractions will keep me away. I must keep trying and accepting this problem. I will stay with her until the end. By that I mean until she gets sick of a decreased sexual relationship, if she gets bored of me, if I can't take it and off myself, or if I can hide it until we're 100 years old and we die. These are my only options. I do in fact love her as I love my friends, and I don't seem to be willing to stop for anybody. I just hope I can give her the life she dreams of.