thank you very very much for your consern. i survived this time because i had/have vodka usually i force myself to stick to beer. thought i treat myself to some vodka it being summer and stuff. not smart. it is very strange. it's like my body is protesting wildly. it is very hard to maintain for me. i crave it so insane. could easily drink myself to death. so binges like this is like being at a hospital. just lying here maintaining and sipping on water, and a tall stiff bloody mary. at least i have alcohol. i know that if i don't consentrate on my intake i will be picked up by neighbours put in hospital. cant stand the hospital or rehabs anymore, but i respect the people who try to help. guess i have to admit down the road that i cant do it on my own. and there is also some money in my account. been in worse situations. had some rice and 4 eggs yesterday so i should be ok. have chicken and more rice and stuff, but not hungry today. but holy shit the way my body reacts to spirits is insane. feels good to share this with someone, this is something i am pretty alone about. have a great day friend. hugs.