So aside from being stupid lush, I'm also bipolar. This is actually very common for people who suffer from mental issues that involve mood swings. Things get so hard that it's really almost impossible to move forward. But knowing that if it really gets to that point that we can't handle it, we can check out... And it honestly helps a lot for us to move forward.

So I get you, man. For most of us it is just a soothing fantasy and possible out if it gets too unbearable. Unfortunately, many of us also do heed that call.

To OP- When I was 16, the love of my life killed himself. He used a leather belt in the shower, I couldn't look when he was found, but from what his mom said when she found him, (we were both in the house but she went into the bathroom while I just couldn't, it being fairly obvious what she was going to find). Anyway, it seems that he hung himself from the shower spout pipe? Is that the right word? I was 16. She screamed for me to get a knife but it was far too late, and as a nurse, she knew it.i was crying in the phone with 911.

Anyway, to this day 25 years later, I cannot see a leather belt without hurting. And tbh, without considering the same.

But fuck that OP, you have people here that support and understand you. It's not time for you to pull that rip cord just yet.