12-13 yo drinking aftershock in a trailer that smelt like cat piss listening to blink 182 or some-other bullshit. I asked my friend to fuck me and she told everyone at school I was a dyke, like it was a bad thing. This turned into drinking 40s and blanks 77 shows, several years later in alleys- acting all punk as fuck with my stupid mohawk and fishnets. Hung with lots of older people, just getting fucked up.

My dad found my bowl that fell out of by bag and gave me shit as he smoked out of it, I melted down and was admitted. I had already took nips from my dads Gluwien and Williams. He never counted the Stoney’s and Straub returnables. Then on to beast and vald in big ass McDonald’s cups with street people. I chilled out a bit in my mid 20s. Kept going to punk shows and graduate school and haven’t really been sober since. I’m generally FA for my job but have CA moments weekly where I make relationships excessive one way or the other, because I’m too scared to just shut the fuck up and be boring. I’m stuck in a place between guilt for caring and not giving a fuck at all.