Getting close to suicide.

Can you tell me more about yourself?

What works for me is i set goals. It can be walk 20 feet on my tip toes or set a new personal record for anything rowing time lifting weights studying test scores and make no mistake I fail at a ton of these but when you get that success it's a feeling unlike any other.

Personal story but it applies here I'm a coxswain for a collegiate crew team and it takes up a ton of time and I go many nights without sleeping and last semester j failed a corse and this was the first time since 7th grade I got less than a B and I felt worthless like I let my family down and I let everyone down who sacrificed to get me where I am. But on race day my eight guys we sat I our boat and when the start was called, we took off and we won that race by almost 30 feet a margin that's practically unheard of. But even more than that, we found our swing. Swing is when 8 rowers and their coxswain (me) are working in perfect harmony the boat doesn't wobble and you fly through the water most crews never find the swing but when you do t bonds your those guys for life cause in that race you acted as one arms body legs all loved as one. That made the sleepless nites worth it and when varsity coxswains came to me and said that if they hadn't known me they would have thought I was a senior doing this since middle school till senior year of college, I knew I meant something.

What that long droning story was meant to say is that you need to find that thing for me it's crew for you it could be knitting find anything that distracts you it doesn't have to make you happy I'm not happy when my job is to lay perfectly still while being splashed by cold water to keep the boat balance but it lets me know that I'm needed and important. I hope you find that thing because that will bring you back.

This is a fight between you and your suicidal thoughts every decision ever made from the beginning of time led to you being in this planet here and now. When my therapist told me that I felt like shit and that those people did tm what they did in vein but he said "now imagine how unhappy they would be if you took your life instead of enjoying what they fought and toiled for" that motivated me to keep going.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread