Yes! I’m a female with red hair and freckles. As a teenager (13-16) I was as skinny as a rake and stood out like a sore thumb. At 17 I hit my stride and grew some boobs and cut my hair nicer. I met my first boyfriend but was so insecure thinking I was ugly that I just went with things he said, worried about being too clingy, lost my virginity, and 4 weeks later he dumped me. I was the rebound girl after that.

20-21 I gained a tonne of weight and more insecure. I was single the whole time. I hated myself more.

22-28 I was much slimmer but ended up in with a mentally abusive man. Because he hid that we were seeing each other (for 5 years) I still had other guys chasing me but only to get me into bed. I was massively insecure and when the abusive guy paid me attention I’d start to worry about being clingy or too interested but still dropped everything when he wanted me. I knew the other guys were/would be only one night stands so I let them treat me badly by accepting the rejection rather than trying to prevent it.

28-36 and I’ve gained heaps of weight again (medication) and add in the way the abusive man treated me and I have no self esteem and am fairly certain no one wants me anyway. I’ve been single the whole time. I’ve been told I have a ‘fuck off shield’ that I put up when men are around. I’m so scared of being used and abused that I now believe I’m worthless, I have no self esteem, I can’t see why a man would be interested in me. Looking back at male friends I think they actually see me as one of the group rather than as a woman to ask out.

Talk to your girlfriend, it might help her understand why you do things you do.