8 words that i probably will never forget and make me tear up while writing this.

2nd semester of university i messed an exam for the third time (you get 3 chances before getting kicked out) and my father heard about it from my mother. My parents are divorced and the fact that they talked to each other shows how serious it was for them. I then had to drive to my dads house where he screamed at me for over 2 hours. Did not show any emotion at all but as i was leaving to drive back home he told me that i am the biggest failure of his life. I just looked at him weird for a moment and drove away. 10 Minutes later it really hit me. I always looked up to him, he was my hero from the moment i could say "dad". 2 hours of verbal humiliation and then 8 words that i will never forget. I had a complete breakdown, i had some minor "what if" suicidal thoughts before, but this the first and hopefully last time i nearly did it. I unbuckled my seat belts and drove as fast as i could on the autobahn. Every guard-rail-free section and bridge made me feel in a way that i can not describe. 1 sharp turn and all the intense pressure would be over. The only thing that got me back to reality was another driver who tried to pass me (Autobahn, there is always someone who is faster). I left the Autobahn, parked somewhere and started crying like maniac for the next 2 hour or so. The guy who passed me literally saved my life, probably someone else's too.

For the past year and a half since this happened i went into full-on alcoholic mode . A few months ago a close friend of mine returned from a year abroad and , as he said, saw me in a state he simply could not believe. He thankfully talked me into psycho therapy.

I am 20 now. Still no contact with my dad but sober, anti-depressant free and have a job i love.