Not sure if there is an actual question embedded in your post or if you are just ranting, but I'll offer some unsolicited advice and hard truths.

Being Hawaiin/ Pacific islander may or may not give you that URM distinction. Sure numbers wise people of that background truly may be under reperesented in higher education. However, whether Pacific islander is considered URM by adcom or just lumped together with other Asian ethnicities is unclear and blurred. Yes it sucks and is unfair but such is life in the current social climate. Put together the best application that you can because those are the only factors that you can control. Check the ethnic box that you believe applies to you, talk about your cultural experiences in life and move on.

Your background and life experiences are unfortunately not uncommon. Many Asian Americans deal with the same shit as you do: feeling marginalized in all facets in life and yet having affirmative action work against you in higher education and the workplace. I'm not saying that to lessen your experiences and what you may be feeling but just highlighting a fact in life that is not unique to you. Frankly, I'm not really sure what to tell you. It's a bitter pill to swallow but it's something that you unfortunately need to get over if you want to accomplish your goals. Or wallow in self pity; it's your choice.

I suggest if "URM" alums are not responding to your inquiries, then reach out to Asian American or Pacific islander alums who may be more willing to help you out.