Sometimes, the easiest way to stop an intense set of emotions is to allow ourselves to feel them...it's avoiding what you feel that makes your brain desperately seek some switch to flip them off when you can't avoid it anymore.

It's okay to have feelings for whomever, it happens, it's okay Sitting there like nonononono is only going to make it worse.

Like...really you'd rather die than let them know how you feel? I doubt that, I really do. It just feels that big right now.

You've stuffed things down too long, is all. Hiding emotions like the ones you express for your friend takes it's toll, especially when you have other life stressors going on.

Breathe. You have value as a person, you deserve your friendships, and maybe all you really need is to stop trying to protect others from who you really are, and how you really feel.

Head up, OP.