First off, I would like to thank you for your well thought-out response. I appreciate it. I am honestly not too confident as to where I should start. I know she has been through a lot in her life. She lost her brother before we graduated highschool, he was older. We did not talk much in highschool, because we did not yet exist to eachother. After we graduated she recieved my phone number and we started talking. She wanted to hangout with me. She really caught my attention, because I was not popular in highschool. I smoked weed and played video games. I am taking better care of myself by staying sober and attending college. Anyway I had a poor self image. I am attractive and in good shape, but I sometimes i feel bad, like I am still wasting my life. It was hard to be myself around her when we did hangout, although we'd make eachother laugh and to my surprise she would want to hangout with me the next day too. One day we tried to get "closer" by "netflix and chill" and it felt awkward. she left early that day. i felt so terrible. i dont want to have sex with her, man i fucking love her i jusy want her to know what she means ti me honestly. Sorry, I recognize the typos but I feel they add texture. Better to recognize a mistake after than never, I suppose. that was a while ago. Things started to get a bit more distant. and gradually she responded less. she stopped asking me to hangout. I still play video games most of my days to occupy my time, because when my process is focused on that the outside world doesnt exist. i dont like losing sleep over it. The current issue which i will speak of next happened today. It is not a big issue, but it feels like it. She did not respond to my texts. it is a stupid thing to get upset over, but i believe it is the implication of my expectations built around the idea of her, that has failed me, she has never done anything wrong. I just want her to know what she means to me. and that when i take steps toward bettering myself, i think of her and the legacy we could leave behind, together