Seems like the only time she wants to do anything is when she's been drinking
She doesn't love you anymore, she doesn't like you anymore, at least not really. She just pretends she does and says that she does. She probably feels at least some level of repulsion for you. She'd rather not have to deal with you but hey, must keep appearances, keep the illusion going. So she has to bring herself to do you and it's kind of hard to get into it mentally for her. She is bored, or disinterested, or not in the mood, or however you want to put it. And let's face it - she doesn't enjoy you physically, she would really like it better if somehow someway she would not have to touch you ever again.
Still
maybe once every 2 months
she will have to finally do at least a little something to fool you that staying with her is worth it and that the carrot on the stick is real after all. See? You are getting something out of this after all! It's a real, functioning relationship. Public image preserved, hurray!
But she has to get drunk to bring herself to be with you. She wouldn't be able to tolerate you if she were sober cause she wouldn't be able to get past her own inner repulsion for you. So she'd hit the booze to help overcome her own inner resistance to the sensation of being physically intimate with you. And if alcohol also helps erase her memory of doing you, all the better. Phew, glad that's over!
How do you deal with the rejection over and over and over again?
Stop initiating. If you keep your hands away from her, she will no longer push them away instinctively. If you no longer approach her for sex, she can no longer reject you. If you no longer ask or suggest or offer, she can no longer say "no" to you. If you no longer reach out to her, she can no longer flinch and recoil at your touch.
But then, if you stopped initiating too suddenly instead of gradually phasing it out, you should be prepared to answer the eventual question of "Hey, what happened, why are you not initiating anymore?". And here you have to be extra careful, make a pause, take a deep breath and think about how you'll reply to this before you open your mouth. It's kind of tricky, but if there is even a slight trace of venom in your reply, you automatically lose. You suffer conversational defeat instantly. So you don't want to say anything snarky, anything too smart or witty, anything ironic or mocking, definitely no sarcasm, just stay away from any reply with any kind of bite to it.
Instead you, as the superior person in this conflict, of course, you will clearly choose to rise above the cheap trickery of faux-surprised questions such as "why are you not initiating anymore?".
Reply options:
"It's not worth it anymore" - go-to nuclear option, shortcut to end-game outcomes - maybe try the other options first? * ~"You can only reject me so many times before I give up"~ * - too butthurt, weak and pathetic, causes your partner to lose respect for you instantly, don’t say this one * ~"Pffft, like you actually care"~ * too bitter, sulking, bitchy emo BS. Don’t use. * ~"Erm... I don’t think I have… Why would you say that?"~ * - reverse-gaslighting, advanced technique - ensure venom-free tone and delivery, requires bluffing skill and a good game face, can backfire * "(Pleasantly surprised) Oh? Thanks but that’s okay, maybe some other time..." * - use this to dodge the question, non-venomous tone, polite and cheerful - bonus points if LL now thinks of herself as considerate for noticing and generous since you thanked her for an offer she didn't even make * "Well, maybe I’ve been overdoing it a bit lately, haha. But nothing to worry about, I’m sure you will initiate at a proper time (smile blissfully)" * - humble tone, positive vibe – bonus points for the display of faith and trust in her. * “(Politely change the topic)” * - do it in a measured and respectful tone, again – zero venom or spite, delivery not excessively icy either. This one may trigger slight anxiety in her. Using it multiple times may induce worry and even panic so be careful * “I’m not? Huh, didn’t realize that. Hm…” * - play dumb. This one too has anxiety-triggering potential. * ~“I felt kind of bad for nagging you all the time. Sorry about that, I’m trying to not do this anymore”~ * - this one is very tempting but don’t use it. Apologizing for doing nothing wrong creates the false impression that you did actually do something wrong. Never submit to the LL’s shaming tactics that accuse you of being an unreasonable obsessive pest. If you agree with and validate the shaming attempt, the LL will never concede any ground whatsoever and your position will be permanently weakened. * “I’ve been awfully busy with [cool hobby/fitness/job/etc.] the last few days, I just can’t pull myself away from my projects.” * - use this one for best results. And make sure to focus your actual time and efforts on said projects for real. This will restore your sense of control and self-determination, the creative process in building items, assembling, drawing, etc. will give you lots of satisfaction and enjoyable hours spent at productive and beneficial activities. Spend your time out of home working on your projects and personal goals as much as you possibly can. Gradually reduce the time you spend at home around her, just be busy with other things more and more. Once she starts seeing a lot less of you around, once you start taking your time ever so slightly before replying to her text or call, you will be able to regain your perspective and stop fixating on her. Focus on the baby and your job and hobbies, personal fitness, what have you, and spend as little time with her as possible. Think of it this way – she is like a barren lifeless rock. No matter how much you try to put seeds and water it, a barren rock will never grow into a garden. But your projects, personal fitness and job are like fertile soil. The same seeds and watering that achieve nothing when applied to the barren rock will flourish into a beautiful garden when applied to the fertile soil of your goals and endeavors. Where your partner has nothing to give back to you no matter how much you give her yourself, your goals and projects will gladly produce dependable results that you can rely on and enjoy. So you see, when you focus mostly on productive activities and learning that result in personal and career growth, you get the satisfaction of achievement and progress, a rise in competence, ability, opportunities, money and so on. And when you’re completely immersed and dedicated to those types of activities, you won’t miss her that much and your exposure to her will be minimized due to no longer having enough time to be around her all the time. TL;DR: In order to deal with systematic rejection you can simply disengage from interacting with your LL partner. By no longer asking, suggesting or offering you can protect yourself from having to hear the same old excuses, explanations, apologies, empty promises that will never be fulfilled and so on. By retracting non-sexual physical touch you can ensure that your hands are not being pushed away by her anymore. By redirecting a meaningful portion of the time you currently waste in her company into productive activities and projects directly linked to your personal and professional goals, you can protect your time, energy and efforts from being mindlessly wasted. Your work, goals, projects and hobbies will love you back even when your wife wouldn’t. Maybe if she starts seeing less and less of you, she will start to treat you nicer. Maybe she won’t. Maybe when she sees that you no longer choose to focus all your time and energy on her, she might try to do something and change to win you back, maybe she won’t. It doesn’t really matter because you know that even if you can’t leave her right now because of the baby you just had, you are still free and empowered to choose where your day-to-day time, attention, energy and efforts are going. And you can choose to focus your resources into activities that give back to you. And you can also make sure that other things, such as the guaranteed pain and rejection from interacting with your wife, cannot sap your forces and resources as long as you focus those away from her.