The seeds were probably planted long before I knew what anxiety even was. There were times growing up when we wouldn’t answer the phone, because it might be bill collectors. I was raised by a single parent and my siblings and I were the poor kids in school, so I didn’t have many friends or learn how to socialize or be comfortable around people. My parent put stress on me when I was too young to do anything to solve the problems.. Since then, I’ve reinforced avoidance behaviours, stayed where I’ve felt comfortable and my comfort zone has shrunk significantly. These days I’m an adult and agoraphobic. I don’t like leaving my house at all. There are far too many variables to predict all the outcomes to feel safe. I’ve cocooned myself.
Realllly hoping to push harder this year and get through this. Time moves so quickly around me. I feels surreal that’s it’s 2020 and I’m still just here, at my house, doing nothing, going nowhere.