I'm sorry I can't answer your question but it's nice knowing that there are people that feel how I do. I'm sorry for making this about me but I never knew that there are people who feel the same way as me it's actually kind of relieving to know that. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder then was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. I believe that all my behavior and idk my thoughts, I know I have bpd or bipolar but my psychiatrist says im too young to be diagnosed with that (im 17). I'm sorry I made this about me but I will try to answer your question, in the show king of the hill some guy had said that mistakes are stepping stones but that phrase is subjective but please try to look at that phrase from all postive perspectives thank you so much for listening I appreciate it.