Lol obviously that wouldn't be part of the real letter. The moral (and practical) quandary is that if I did send it, it would be based on a lie, because, I don't actually need to go to her city. I could make up a reason if I wanted, but it would be an elaborate hoax, and I wouldn't want to lie to her. Basically it'd be a phishing expedition to see if she'd even be OK with seeing me face to face after so many years. And to be honest I'm not sure I'd be OK if the answer is silence (an implicit "No", which I doubt she'd give me explicitly--and honestly I'm a little unsure if writing her is even OK at this point). 'Cause it's the last resort fantasy in my head of me ever seeing her again. We had our closure already. No sense in ruining that. Thing is, I don't want closure... I want her. And I'm willing to waste days and hundreds or thousands of dollars if it meant just being able to talk to her for 15 minutes. Because... I dunno, maybe that would change things? Probably wouldn't. But I'd take that gamble.

But it would be a very foolish and selfish thing to do. Being rational, she almost certainly doesn't want me in her life. More than that though, I couldn't bring myself to lie to her like that.

I wish the stars would align though, and that somehow I would actually end up in her city without my designing it. Then I really would reach out, no question.

The question is: What is fate? Maybe we make fate. And perhaps I'm just too lazy to make mine.

Nah, that's all child's play. She doesn't love me. Never did, never will. That's the sad truth.