California Family Law attorney here.
And first, let me apologize to the subreddit for being absent. Some of you may know, I quit full time law to pursue my dream career as a professional photographer and recently - knock on wood - I've been busy. But, now to legal stuff . . .
if I do move does this hurt my odds of getting a share of the property value later?
Short answer: no. But that does not have any effect on whether you even have a share, assuming you do.
Now, why do I say that? Because of this:
she is completely certain that the house is 100% "hers" (it was originally from her father, though it's been refinanced several times while we've been married), and constantly reminds me of it and often accuses me (or my parents) of trying to "take" "her" house.
Hooooo . . . okay, question #1: when you say it was "originally from her father," was it an inheritance? Let's say it was: at the time she acquired it, even during marriage, it is her separate property. Items acquired by gift or devise during marriage remain the person's separate property.
Now, when you refinanced, did your name go on title to the property, i.e., the property was conveyed by Mrs. CatRatBat to Mr. and Mrs. CatRatBat? If so, it can be argued that the property was transmuted from separate to community property. However, she still has a claim under Family Code sec. 2640 to the equity in the house at the time the property was transmuted.
Let's have our little homely example, shall we? Let's say Dear Old Departed Dad up and died (I live in East Tennessee now and folks here don't just die, they "up and die," bless their hearts) and left her a house worth $300,000 with a mortgage of $200,000. So the equity is $100,000, right? Now let's say after two years, y'all refinanced and you went on title, and you refinanced the house for $250,000. And let's say now the house is worth $450,000 with a remaining mortgage of $230,000 because you have paid some down. And HOW you paid it down is pretty much irrelevant because even if it all came from her checking account, if that account was populated by money she earned during marriage, it is community funds.
Okay, so now there is $220,00 in equity ($450,000 - $230,000). She can claim that her separate property was used to "acquire" the home for the community. Note I say "acquire," not purchase - it means when the house became community property. What was the separate property used? Why, the equity in the house at that moment it done became your'ns (just adding some more Appalachian color).
That means she gets $100,000 off the top - that was the equity of her separate property. The remaining $120,000 is community, and by community property laws gets divided 50-50. So she gets $160,000 and you get $60,000 in our little homely example.
She also makes about 2x my income, and treats me like a freeloading roommate whom she must support
Yeah, it's called "marriage" and married couples support one another. Why aren't you looking for some spousal support? Shoot, long term marriage (> 10 years) and disparate income - man, I'd be filing for temporary support right now, I tell you what. Gender is a non-issue; women can pay spousal support, too.