For the sake of simplifying, let's first define 'behavior' and 'identity.'

Behavior is an action or thought system that a person engages in. Identity is who a person is insofar as their sense of self, values, beliefs, and emotional core.

What you're describing is a behavioral thought system. The good news is that you can change behaviors over time. The other good news is that your behaviors do not have to dictate who your are. In other words, this behavior, even though you've said you would feel ashamed discussing it with a parent or a doctor, does not make you in any way bad. It's a healthy sign that you're able to distinguish that this behavior feels bad, and that you therefore want to change it. This is a sign of reflection and self-regulation, which are each important in learning about who we are, and how to change our behaviors.

Now, when we find a behavior that we want to change, it often points to a place within our identity, or core self, that is ready to grow and become more developed. This just means that we've outgrown some of the ways in which we relate to the world around us, and that it's time to switch up our old habits such that we can be more effective at navigating our present lives.

The feeling that you need attention from boys is showing you that you're placing a lot of emphasis on what others think of you, specifically what boys think of you. On top of that, you want their approval. This probably means that you've reached a point in your life where you're ready to develop a stronger sense of self-approval. To help with this, you might want to try something called 'opposite action.'

When you notice yourself wanting male attention, stop. Do the opposite. Think instead of the things about you that you approve of. Do you like how you treat your friends? Do you like how your hair looks today? Do you like your handwriting? It can be anything about yourself that you like or approve of. If you're finding it hard to come up with things about yourself that you approve of, then it's a sign that you need to get to know yourself better. Find out what your strengths are, and what your interests are. One thing you can always resort to approving of, though, is your desire to make positive changes in your life, and your willingness to seek out answers and change for the better. That's a sign that someone is a straight up badass.

The other thing I noted was that you want male attention, and that you want more attention than the other girls get. Another way to use opposite action in this case would be to stop and think about the things about the other girls that you approve of. Are they nice? Are they smart?

The goal is to put yourself in the position of being the one who is doing the approving, of either yourself or others, thereby placing less emphasis on whether or not others are approving of you.

Opposite action is a life changer - it just takes mindfulness, dedication, loving self-compassion, and a little time to do it's magic.