Wow, our stories are pretty damn similar. I won't go into the details but I totally totally get it, its like you are a totally different person and didn't even realize people were nicer because you were better looking. I have been working up to successfully losing weight and am on the way now though at the start, a big thing for me has been learning to accept me as fat and stop seeing myself as like a girl who was gorgeous and thin that this happened to. I'm sick of letting people treat me like shit because of my weight and acting as if i deserve the punishment for gaining weight. Especially in my middle eastern culture, people can be very frank and harsh and I don't have to tell you a girl's worth ultimately comes down to her looks for these (and most) people. Fuck it. In fact, this regained confidence is helping me lose weight, reminding me I deseve to love myself and be loved, if that makes any sense. I don't want to hide in my shell until I am an acceptable weight anymore, I'm here adn I'm fat and I will be worth just as much as when I'm thin, I am not the sum of my weight and neither are you. ITs like I want to get something out of this time of being heavy, I don't want it to be in vain, I want to remember I'm awesome if I'm 100lbs over weight (which I am, maybe less now though) or if I lose an arm or my hair or whatever.
People suck, even those who know about the back to back deaths that happened close to me etc they don't care, so why should I give a fuck about what they think? They are assholes anyway right?
I'm sorry if I"m rambling but your post hit home. I started a mfp support group from people in r/loseit, the emotional support is awesome and you are so very welcome to the fold. I would love to be your weight loss buddy, especially since we have about the same amount to lose. http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/100983-redditors-ready-to-lose-it
Anyone else reading this is welcome to join our little crew :)