Please do not make or take any major decisions right now. Immediately focus on finding the correct psychiatrist. Do NOT go to a psychologist, find a psychiatrist who specializes in PTSD, depression, and/or anxiety. Make an appointment ASAP. You sound like you're in a crisis and you need help. All of the issues you've described are ancillary to your own current mental health. If you're feeling shitty you will never be able to make the correct decisions. You only need to do one thing right now, find a Dr. that can make you feel better.

Regarding not having children, buy a golden retriever puppy or any puppy for that matter. Dogs impact humans in amazing ways. Our brains light up the same for our pups as for babies. They force you to get outside. Force you to exercise. Force you to think about another creature and get out of your own head for a while. They are 100% devoted to their owner. Can sense when you're not doing well and are amazingly responsive to our emotions.

Having said that... When you find the doc everything will change - please concentrate on only that step right now.