First you have to figure out what you want. This can only be done by trial and error. You may find some qualities attractive from a distance but realize once your around it more and more that it's annoying as fuck and not sustainable. I can't tell you what's right for you, but I can tell you some of the steps I took. It may miss it's mark a bit in answering your questions but I think it's worth a shot. First, I realized I really really really like sex. So every week my friends and I would embarked on an ancient quest to get laid. It became apparent that some things worked better than others. That there was in fact a strategy; and if used well a good one. So I started studying the psychology of seduction. I got better and better and before I knew it I was doing very well for myself. Then there was a miss communication and on of the girls actually got her feelings hurt. It crushed me a bit that I had hurt someone in this way so I pulled back and set more rules in place to ensure nobody got hurt again. After a while I had mastered my craft again. Then something weird happened. I stumbled upon the most beautiful and inelegant women I have ever met. The most unexpected part was that she is constantly overwhelmed with emotions. I fell in love with her fast and was lucky as she fell for me too. We complement each other very well. I'm able to serve as an emotional anchor for her while she calls me out on my bullshit, and is a never ending source of wonder. INFJ if your curious. I became more in tuned with my emotions after we started experimenting with weed and can honestly say that I love her more than anything. But before I could find her, and have the ability to know what I had found. I had to try and fail many times. I hope this helps, even if it's in a small way.