I was scared reading this post because I thought it was my fiancé writing this. She tells me the same ideas, that she never felt happy and believes she never will be. She tried suicide in the past when she wasn't with me, she was hospitalized for a week. I understand her struggles and try to respect her space when she wants to be alone and I always give her supportive words to keep going and be strong. I know what you and she feels because I used to feel the same when I was in a distant period of my life. But since I met her I promised to her that I will never run away (I did it once when I was younger and single but I returned home) ever again and grow old by her side. She is my most important being and I always show her that, try to do things together to make her happy, even if just holding hands and watching a series or listening to music on youtube. Or go out and eat at our favorite restaurants (we can't do that now because of the pandemic). I love her so so much and I never want her dead, I want her to grow very very old and happy by my side.