I have had mental issues (being bipolar) all my life, not to mention a shitty (abusive) home life as a kid. I also had bad habits, from finances to simply wasting opportunity and being lazy. I eventually learned as an adult that wallowing in self pity only holds me back. Drop all those negative feelings toward your parents and others around you. It is not healthy holding those kinds of emotions in about others; to you or to them. Some parents just suck at teaching; I learned what not to do by looking at just what my parents (mother) did. Now, you need to start getting mad with yourself for not doing your best. Turn that anger inwards to create determination and willpower. Get pissed off when you make dumb mistakes. Do not reward yourself when you achieve a goal, but instead punish yourself if you do not make it. Make yourself work twice as hard on the next goal. You are at the beginning of your journey so setbacks are inevitable, so don't get discouraged. Make a list of all the things you want to change or improve, and outline basic ideas on how you can go about doing so. Keep moving forward.

I am 40 now and felt very much the same as you did at 26. I still have feelings of doubt, depression, pity and every other negative feeling under the sun. However, I learned to embrace those aspects. Learn from it and never forget squandered opportunities. You aren't pathetic - you are strong for dealing with your parents and their crappy upbringing. You are strong for persevering despite all those setbacks you have had. You are strong because you have no boyfriend and nobody close that can help you while you are down. You may be lonely, but you are not alone, even if it is random internet people like us.

Here is the thing....no matter how good a motivational speech is, it does nothing if the person it is directed at has no drive. You have to become that person you want to be and nobody else will do it for you. You have to create that drive within yourself. Every day when you get up in the morning, look into the mirror. Look yourself in the eye and say "I am awesome, but I can do better". Say this 3 times in the morning and 3 before bed. Don't think about the person you want to be in 5 or 10 years; at your current state it will feel unattainable and far too difficult to become. Work on being a better you today. I know you can do it. If you need someone to talk to for motivation or to vent to, message me; I know much of how you feel.