3. LGBT women, what has been the hard and difficult about being LGBT?

LGBT women, what has been the hard and difficult about being LGBT?

The stigma. I still avoid calling myself bisexual and opt for 'queer' instead as it seems to give me much more of a protective social bubble. I wasn't really 'bullied' in high school at all except when it came to kissing other girls. The whole 'doing it for attention' stigma was relentless and I became so ashamed that I was sure I must have been doing it for attention. I told myself that the fact that I continued to sleep with women at any available opportunity was just me trying to be a special snowflake - I spent years in a shame cycle where I'd get with a woman, then doubt if it was real or if I was trying to be something I'm not.

It was tricky because the stigma didn't just come from Bible-thumping WASPs where I lived (which I would have happily rebelled against as I did for my gay and lesbian friends) but from people who I thought I could identify with - other LGBT people. I still have acquaintances to this day who, if I ever mention any person that I'm seeing, will ask "So what are you then? Lesbian? Straight?" as if I haven't told them a dozen times over as many years what I am.

I had a really bad experience with a trans man as well who basically told me (as gently as he could) that being with me was nice but the real goal was to end up with a straight woman: with a bisexual woman, he'd always doubt whether I saw him as a man, but with a straight woman he'd know for sure. I'd loved him and it was awful to hear, especially because my first instinct was that my sexuality was feeding his dysphoria and lowering his quality of life. I felt worthless.

At this point in my life I've mostly given up on any kind of relationship, as I don't have the time, energy, or social resources to deal with my issues regarding my sexual orientation. I don't hide that I'm queer, but the thought of trying to date and not only bring it all to the surface again with family/friends but to also navigate the dating scene as a bisexual woman just fills me with dread. I've improved SO many other aspects of my life through hard work; I need a fucking break from things always having to be difficult.

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