Please, do. There's plenty of ppl who can help you on this sub but I definitely get it if you're talking about how conflicted you may be bc you love what you do. I wrote that really quickly yesterday as I was dashing out the door but usually have more time & thought to put into messaging.
I think...Well, it seems to me that you have some resentment towards the brewing industry & beer drinkers..I think I understand, ppl who drink normally piss me off too. & there is a lot of alcoholism in the industry masked as "work". But for me atleast, brewing was/is my passion. Like the other homebrewer redditor was saying it is the craft. The mix of art science that makes it such satisfying work. And work it is...we both know own brewers are glorified janitors. It is a labor of love. Ppl think it's all drinking all the time & that was a nice bonus especially for us hard drinker/alcoholics but.. I definitely get it if you want to talk shop about mashing in, knocking out, head pressure, 14 degrees Plato, CIP... There's high pressure gases. Scolding hot water/wort. Super dangerous chemicals. Heavy as fuck kegs. It's not an easy job and you have to love it. I see some anger at your situation when you say it's a fad bc the fact is with 30+ years of double digit growth craft beer is here to stay. Not to mention brewing being an atleast 10,000 year old human endeavour. Alcohol & civilization are intimately linked. I couldn't believe I found a career & loved going to work & getting paid to make beer...& drink it. After 4 years of brewing I got a diploma in fermentation science....i loved the process that much. It made me super sad, depressed, suicidal to leave what i lo e but...I'm so much more happier now. I'm stable. I'm actually a real father who is really there for my kids now. I love them more than beer. I gained so much abandoning my professional dreams. I really do think it would have killed me if I stayed...Greek tragedy. If I continue to do what I love to do it will kill me. It already, broke my relationship with the woman I love. It was impossible for me to not taste throughout fermentation, filtering, racking, cellaring, bottling. Especially designing new recipes. For you..just cutting down right now would be an amazing step in the right direction.
I think there are a lot of ppl here who can support you & give you advice. I don't do AA for a lot of reasons, not for lack of trying, but it works for some so I think it's worth a shot. I know that after drinking everyday for years that it's not easy to stop. Do not go cold turkey unless you have medication & are under doctor supervision. Withdrawal is ugly. It can be fatal.
Do mssg me if you need some understanding. I'll get back to you. Don't try & do this alone. I say, cut down first...but if you're like I was, it's almost impossible to control. It was all or nothing. I could not brew & not drink. It sucks but...I cant even explain how much better I am. I can look at myself in the mirror. I took my knowledge of malt roasting from beer & put it into coffee.
You can do it. I know you can. I believe in you.