Aghhhhh. This is SO similar to my situation it's scary. I met my current bf thinking he was amazing and wonderful. He said he loved me within the first month of us dating (which seemed so intense to me at the time). Then a few more months in he told me he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me.
Fast forward to September. He suddenly became distant and weird. He was also working on stuff with his band and going back and forth between cities. He was guarded with his phone. But the worst part was that he was constantly liking other girls photos on Instagram. Like selfies and half nude photos. So I confronted him and he got mad. These were his friends apparently. He has a lot of girls that are friends that take a lot of selfies, apparently.
Come November I caught him red handed having an inappropriately flirtatious exchange with a girl and a few things came to light- eventually opening the flood gates of me discovering through a lot of snooping on his computer that he had been on tinder and had even met with a girl via tinder. Additionally, back in all those "I love you" months, he had been actively dating and sleeping with other girls.
I can't understand it. I can't fathom or process why he does it or why I am the girl he's mentally fucking over. He tells me he has problems, compulsions, and I don't know why but I keep trying to believe there is a good person underneath. And this stupid, manipulated part of me thinks it's significant that he is ultimately committed to me.
I'm so jealous you had a girl outright out your guy on tinder! Sometimes I wish so badly that the girls he's been seeing knew and said something to me. Or that I could contact them and say stop talking to him, he's bad news (my bad news? :( )
I also wish I had a solution for you. I think the most frustrating part for me, and what it sounds like it is for you too- is the EASY response is to say he's bad news, leave him. I'm tired of hearing that excuse. I want someone to say he's doing this because of x-y-z and not automatically say he's a sociopath or a psychopath.
I also am so deeply curious about the other women. What are the selfie and half nude women of Instagram think of scenarios like this? I'm so tired of women becoming enemies, but I'm so mad at them for encouraging this beast that lives inside my bf
Ps- probably going to delete this soon because my bf uses Reddit and I feel like this'll only make our constant conversations all the more complicated. But, I wanted you to know you're not alone. You're not crazy. And your gut was telling you something was up way back in the relationship. He is manipulating you. But, all relationships come with deal breakers and, depending on how far you're willing to go, this doesn't need to be an end all. Don't undervalue yourself for his sake, but also believe in yourself to make a choice about your love for him. Is he worthy of your sacrifice to try and trust him and love him?