Probably should be using a throw away for this, but fuck it. I need to own this. I'm struggling right now, friend. Not on H so it might sound not as urgent. I've been prescribed narcotic pain pills for my back issues for two years. I have bulged discs in L34 & L45 and am scared that (well, I know it) that I'm addicted to them. I get 150 Vicodin a month and I pretty much go through them in two weeks. The remainder of the month I purchase them through a co-worker who is pretty much automatic. He always has them which means I never have to wait. This is good for my addiction and bad for me. The problem is my back legitimately hurts like crazy (I've gotten injections that didn't do anything twice and I get medical massage once a week, it helps but doesn't provide the relief the pills do.) The problem is I work in the bar industry which is high volume, hectic, and people don't get this but it takes a huge toll physically. I'm on my feet anywhere from 9-12 hours a shift. I manage and bartend equally where I'm at so it can be grueling. I tried smoking herb and it DID make me take less but now in my state I'm required to piss test to continue receiving my script so I had to quit smoking. This is no excuse for the fact that after the two weeks I blow through the months worth; I'm spending 500$ a month purchasing them illegally. I work nights as well and they keep me awake, so I lose sleep like crazy. Probably get eight hours every 48. It's a vicious cycle. There are other factors in my life I'd rather not share but let's just say I have many responsibilities during the day when I'm not at work. I know I have this problem. I just don't know what to do. I kind of am hooked on them simply to support my work lifestyle. I'm at least right now clear enough to admit it. Also there is no way I'd be able to complete a work shift without them. I'm scared, sad, and depressed. They are the only thing that gets me through my day. I'm not asking for answers, it just feels good to write this down. Not comparing my struggle to someone that's been through as much as you. I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for letting me do that. Again, sorry.