Look, it's wrong hearted to put someone down and to hurt someone on purpose.

But people have limits. You can't keep getting pushed and pushed and not eventually push back when you have no other direction to go. So yes, verbal abuse is wrong. No, you are not an asshole. You are a human being being emotionally abused.

My mom was very similar. I was planned but she remained an alcoholic who slept on the couch every night, would get blackout drunk and rant randomness at my dad. She once tore the head off my beloved stuffed dinosaur right in front of me and told me my cat was dead by screaming "FLUFFY IS DEAD. THE DOG CARRIED IT BACK TO THE HOUSE". All blackout.

My dad only put his hands on her once and that was when she cornered him and wouldn't let him move so he pushed her. She fell and the story from then on was he abused her.

I'll tell you this though. Doing what you can to keep all of those kids out that would be a hero's act. When my parents divorced, my dad was granted primary custody due to him documenting all of this over the years. BUT my mom's family is tight-knit and too much was left to 12 year old me to decide. I was easy to manipulate and she got back into my life. Next thing I knew, I was locked in that house alone with her every weekend and holidays. All the shit that was thrown at my dad was instead put on me. I woke up to her digging through my things in my room at 3am. She would scream at me starting from when she picked me up to when she dropped me off. She ruined holidays, birthdays, accused me of being a slut (I was a virgin until college), accused me of drugs (I never slept so...), etc. It all came to head when she full attacked me the one time I put my foot down and went to leave. I have that night blocked out but the photos show bite marks and bruises on me. Again, all drunk.

Asking a child to hold their own agency in that is insane. When you're young and alone with a raging alcoholic, reality is skewed. When you're a child and screamed at for hours, it's so easy to just fall and assume crash position. Because no one is coming to save to you. Because your mother told you they'd never believe you, you bitch.

I grew up to date a guy that threw me through a screen door. Because my tolerance for abuse was so damn high.

So... they're not your kids. But please try and do something.

And get the fuck out.