I don't think there are people here in town I can rely on, and I've tried online but haven't found anything yet. I'll keep searching.
I married him because I love him. I still do. He works hard, he's always been self reliant. We have the same sense of humor. He's been this way since 2017. He threatened to leave me because he thought I was lazy for not having a job. It turns out the reason no one would hire me is because a former boss (whom I'd never worked with) was telling potential employers that I was a horrible employee who never did anything I was told. Ever since then I've been constantly worried about being left behind. Even with a baby I don't feel safe. I've changed a lot since that day, actually. He went to basic training when I was six weeks pregnant (we didn't know at the time, I found out two weeks after he left). I spent my entire pregnancy with horrible morning sickness but I put everything on hold in order to make myself appear to not be lazy and worthless to him. I still try. I think the reason I just acquiesce and admit fault for everything is because I don't want to be left behind, especially with a baby. Doesn't matter how many times he promises he won't leave for anything, I guess I have some sort of trauma from 2017.