I don't know how I did it but I ended being a contrarian contrarian. I thought rebelling against your parents and trying to be a rockstar and all "cool" was just fucking dumb so I did the opposite of that and become super straight laced and traditionalist. That was the mindset of my younger self. Nowadays I'm still super traditionalist and now have agreed more and more with fascist ideals as time has progressed. I am also a Calvinist Christian, one of the notoriously 'cruel' belief sets within Christendom.

People who hear about me second hand really hate me. Some saying how they never want to see me or talk to me because I'm just a hateful bigot. Which is really too bad, because there are a lot of people who don't hold the same views as me that I respect and would love to be friends with but can't because well they don't like me and are not interested in getting to know me. Taking on the label and living the lifestyle that I do, being hated for the deeds of say other Christians, Traditionalists or other right wing political groups that I agree with just comes with the package. I've learned to accept that some people are going to call me names and I just have to live with that. It's caused me to lose a girlfriend and even lose some friends.

I've been depressed about it sure. The way I see it is this, what really matters here? The chief end of man is to worship and glorify God, Christ said that he came to turn a man against his father and a daughter against her mother. I have to remember to be a rock even when things are tough, when things look hopeless and it seems like there is no end in sight to the suffering. I must give God glory even for that. I do not regret it and I can never recant it. For without it, I am nothing.