First of all, you should seek immediate professional help. It really sounds like you just need that help and attention and care because it sounds like you haven’t really had it from anyone before.

Second, thank you so much for still being here. We really need you here

You really haven’t been treated well, and I’m so sorry that all of that abuse has happened to you. You did not deserve any of this and none of it is your fault. Don’t blame yourself. You were treated terribly unfairly and you were left with trauma. That is a really common way for addictions to start. The reason it happens is because something is able to temporarily take the pain away, and so we want more and more.

Seek help, and I promise you that life will feel so much better, so much easier to enjoy. You can get through this. I love you and I need you here ❤️