I made an account just to respond to this thread... First of all, that sounds like a totally clusterfuck!!! Ur "cheating", he's "cheating" and all in an open relationship??? I'll b the first to admit, i could never b in an open relationship I'm way too insecure for that! lol. But if u r totally sure that ur secure enough with urself, ur relationship and an open relationship is something u BOTH value, then totally, go for it! That being said, both sides need to go in with clear expectations of what is acceptable or not acceptable; it seems like the two of u were on separate pages as to what the boundaries were... The fact that u reacted to his reaction and then decided to pursue other encounters and NOT tell him is a red flag which should have alerted u to the fact that perhaps more clarification was needed as to the expectations each of u had... (That was just some thoughts for ur next open relationship, should u decide to pursue one again...)

Now on the the important shit- Anyone who lays a hand on you in anger needs to go... No second chances need to b given. Anyone who threatens suicide when u r trying to leave needs to go... No second chances need to b given...

I was previously in an emotionally, sexually, physically abusive relationship. When i tried to leave, he would threaten to kill himself and/or me. I eventually did leave and he eventually killed himself at my house. I lived with the regret for years...

What i learned from that experience: 1-People threatening to kill themselves to make u stay are EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE... They r trying to control ur actions by making u feel as if their life is in ur hands... That being said, 2-u r responsible ONLY for the lives of urself and ur dependent children... NO ONE is strong enough to keep someone afloat who is dead set on sinking... 3-If someone truly wants to kill themselves, at that time, they r probably not in their right frame of mind, should u b around and try to intercede, u may go down with them (i.e., murder/suicide) 4-I hope that u r never in this situation but if it does happen, realize that the decision to take his life was HIS and ONLY HIS decision, please don't take ownership (guilt) for his decision... 5-Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to allow someone else to confront their own demons... I realized that all those times i stayed and he never confronted the pain and hurt inside of him that was forcing him to hold on so tightly to me, i was not helping, i was just putting a temporary bandaid over his wounds and they continued to fester under the surface... I know u think ur helping him and don't want to desert him when he's so fragile, but sometimes the most loving thing to do is to let him heal, and he can't do that with u still in contact with him... He sees u as his life boat and if ur still in his view he's going to try to keep swimming to u... In actuality ur just a life jacket and can only keep urself afloat, meanwhile, theres a big ass boat right behind him that can help him but he doesn't see it because he's too busy trying to swim to u...

He says: "Im gonna kill myself if u leave" You say: "I sincerely hope that u don't make the permanent and devastating decision to take ur own life. Please think of all of the people who would be devastated over your loss. I want u to get help, and I am calling the police so that they can come and check on u to make sure that ur ok." *hang up and call the police Do not call him back, and have no further contact with him, at a later time let him know, "I hope that ur seeking help, and i realize now that always running back to u is keeping u from really dealing with the heart of the issue, so in love i have to allow u to work on u. Please don't call me, i will not answer, nor will i listen to any vm, Please don't text or email, i will immediately erase it without reading and PLEASE take care of urself and get better..." Then cut all contact and no matter what do not give in and return a call or text. He will likely leave messages saying if u don't call I'm gonna kill myself, or I'm hurting so bad right now, I'm going to end it if u don't come back... If u listen to the messages all that weight will b on u... I am sure that people will think I'm a cold hearted bitch, and maybe i am to a certain extent, all i know is that I alone am not strong enough to keep anyone else afloat and not go down with them... Anyways, sorry for the long post, I wish u AND HIM all the best in life, i hope that u r able to set healthy boundaries and ultimately find what ur looking for and i wish for him to free himself from his demons and also find happiness :)